Stargate Wives
by JovianJeff
Summary: Stargate wives is where the series generally ran as it did, but Sara, Sha're and Drey'auc are apart of the regular cast like Gen. Hammond and Dr. Frasier. Diverging from Cold Lazarus for Sara, Bloodlines for Drey'auc and Forever in a Day for Sha're.
1. Chapter 1

Title: Stargate Wives: Season One

Author: JovianJeff

Category: AU

Content Level: Age 13+

Content Warnings: None

Pairings: Jack/Sara; Teal'c/Drey'auc

Season: One

Spoilers: Cold Lazarus

Summary: Stargate wives is where the series generally ran as it did, but Sara, Sha're and Drey'auc are apart of the regular cast like Gen. Hammond and Dr. Frasier. Diverging from "Cold Lazarus" for Sara, "Bloodlines" for Drey'auc and "Forever in a Day" for Sha're. Seen at first through the eyes of Sara as she and Jack gradually get back together again while she also meets and befriends Drey'auc.

Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Stargate (II) Productions, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author. This story may not be posted elsewhere without the consent of the author. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.

Arthur notes:

This was born out of a hobbyhorse of mine about couples in scifi. I know it's the reality of the medium, but it's sad that maybe three science fiction television shows in the past forty or so years have had three married couples as regulars, and Firefly killed off theirs in the movie.

So this is divergence from the above show that makes them apart of the regular 'cast' like Hammond and Dr. Frasier.

Common ground of their husbands on SG-1 gives them a common ground to bond, elements of Sara showing and helping her two alien friends adapt to life on Earth as well as their reactions to the events of the following years up to season ten.

Season One: Dear Diary

Cold Lazarus

Now that I've signed the non-disclosure papers, I know I can't talk to anyone about what Jack, dear Jack, had told me about, and I need to talk this out to get my mind around this, so here we go. A diary. A special one I'll keep separate. Probably should write something in my will about burning it after I die, if the government doesn't confiscate it. Though I personally suspect Jack will beat them to it.

Jack. I've missed him so over the years since our lost. His rough hands giving a sense of protection, his compelling eyes, the firm features, and confident set of his shoulders. Most of all his self-confident presence. Its alive again, I can see that now. I saw it die years ago, but somehow Jack O'Neill came back to life and I'm not sure if I'm happy or sad about that.

Charlie wasn't the only one to die that day, our family died with him. The light I saw bring Jack back from the darkness those missions of his took him on, was gone and I didn't expect to see it again. Not until that other Charlie, not until this Stargate he told me about. I haven't met this Dr. Daniel Jackson yet of Jack's, but apparently that young man was the reason he's come back from the dead. Which is pretty much what Jack was before I left him.

Now he seems so much alive, closer to the man I fell in love with, closer to the one I wanted to comfort and have him comfort me. It felt good, it felt awkward, it...I didn't want it to end with this one chance meeting. I was definitely hoping for more from this Jack beyond the grave. Where I mentally buried him before I left him. It was the only way I could leave. If I thought of Jack as alive in anyway, I wouldn't have, couldn't have taken a single step towards the door.

Dinner and the explanation, I'm glad he didn't do it the other way around. I wouldn't have been able to even focus on such a simple thing as eating. Not that dinner wasn't a war on my nerves. He didn't help things by looking so good. His eyes that drew me in, how he flashed a smile, a real, Jack O'Neill warm, dazzling smile. Even when it wasn't dancing along his lips, it was in his eyes.

I felt like my first date with him, and he was so much like my Jack. The man I fell in love with and married.

The explanation was what floored me. I suppose if it wasn't for the non-disclosure papers, and that sense of Jack O'Neill honesty, I might not have believed him. I didn't at first. I was ready to get up and storm out, until I looked, really looked into those eyes of his and felt his hands around mine. Those strong hands I had grown to love, like the rest of him. This was not a man who was joking. Not one of his ideas of odd humor. It was real. Everything he was telling me was real.

To this moment where I am writing this, I can't remember if I was still standing at this point. I know somewhere between him stopping me from leaving, and my realizing he was telling the truth, that a seat had found me. More likely Jack had guided me to one. Chair, sofa, bench, edge of a wall, I could not now recall what I sat upon, looking into those eyes for their anchor of truth. To believe what my mind just didn't want to. In some ways as unbelievable as the fact of Jack being back.

Aliens, other worlds, this whole device called the Stargate. My universe nearly collapsed when Charlie, then our family died. I barely made it through the years afterwards; leaving Jack was nearly the same as burying him. It was what I feared I would do during all those years of his special ops work. Now...now the universe has gotten almost too big, and I get the feeling there are things Jack isn't telling me. That same look he's had when he won't talk about what the latest op was.

Still, this is a beginning with a new life with Jack.

To be continued...


	2. Chapter 2

The Nox

Jack was rather whimsical when we went out to dinner tonight. I have the feeling it was due to the latest mission. He was reflective, which came with more banter and wisecracks than normal, making light of things. It was good to laugh, but seeing what was behind the laughter, I was dying to find out more.

Fortunately dinner and the explanation was again, our excuse not only to go out, but have some time together afterwards. This time, his place. It let me see how he was handling bachelor life again. Not to bad, could use more food, decorations rather minimal, but all in all, a good choice for a house that I think he's made his home.

My heart about stopped to see our family picture on the wall in his living room. I suppose I shouldn't have been surprised. We are seeing each other again. Sure it was only the second, 'date', if we want to call it that, but I didn't expect to see that picture so prominently displayed. A snapshot of a happier moment in our lives, the time we were a family. A time we couldn't see the horror that was to come, when everything would come crashing down during the darkest day in our lives.

Again the explanation part was an edited one. I know he has to hold back some information, but I did sign the papers, and, in theory, we can talk about it. I think he's holding back on the darker aspects of travel through that thing. That look came up when he went vague about how he met the Nox. Had to laugh at the way he said that one phrase of theirs, "that sometimes the very young do not always do what they are told."

I had a moment when it just hit me. I've heard grief does that sometimes, hits you when you least expect it. I know why I started crying, the words hit me, thinking of Charlie. I don't think Jack expected that, I know it wasn't his intent, and I was glad he was here this time for me, for us.

All in all, I wasn't certain what left the greater impression, dinner with Jack, seeing Jack's home, or the Nox. I'm still getting my mind wrapped around the whole alien life thing, like Jack's star trek show. I'll have to catch a few reruns to just get use to the concept again.


	3. Chapter 3

Brief Candle

I was rushed to the base today. The airman picking me up didn't have the details, and I was half afraid when he showed up at the door, that he was there to say Jack was dead. But General Hammond had called ahead, and asked if I could come to the base right now. I knew it had to be important for Jack's CO to call me personally, and it was. It looked like I was going to lose Jack, and they wanted to know if I wanted to record some farewell message.

Why couldn't I go to him? I knew the answer, even as Dr. Frasier explained it, but I still didn't care. I wanted to rush through that Stargate thing, and into his arms. To be there for him again. I really should have been grateful for the visit and chance to send a message. Not that I remembered what I said through the tears. I love him, I always will and never had stopped since we met.

They let me stay on base, I was too numb to go back home, and I couldn't tell Dad why he would see me in shock. I'd like to think I had more time to meet Jack's team, but I barely remember them, just a sense of support and dedication, loyalty that Jack always seems to engender where ever he's been posted.

It was a toss up with who left the largest impressing, I expected it to be Teal'c, and there was some kind of silent strength in that man, well, looks like a man. Jack says he's an alien. In some ways I found it hard to believe, in other ways it's so blatantly obvious. Plain in the manner one could label, 'foreigner', rather than man-from-another-planet, alien. He really believes in Jack, supports him. A kind of loyalty that was like Jack's special ops team, yet deeper. More like family, brothers, fellow warriors who understood one another despite being from two separate cultures. Strong and very much there for me, I think he was extending that loyalty to Jack to meaning a loyalty to me. I found he helped so much with what he didn't say than what he did.

Yet with Daniel...I can see why Jack says Daniel brought him back to life on that first mission. There is a kind of energy about that man, a sense he'll get something done even if he has to go about it himself. He's a very driven man, and it's not just to get his wife back. She's very important to him. I can see that, she gives him a reason to go, to wake up in the morning even though she's not here with him. Yet, there is a passion about Daniel, ones that run through everything in his life. To finding his wife, finding an answer to some puzzle, or friendship with Jack.

Sam is just brilliant. I don't understand half the things she says, but she speaks with such conviction I want to belief it. I remember more of how she said things than what she said. Not that I could ever hope to comprehend a tenth of it. Sometimes it was enough just to hear her talking about it. If there was a solution, she and Dr. Frasier were going to find it. I knew it. I had to have hope, to see Jack again.

Janet, Dr. Frasier finally coaxed me to call her that. It was not easy either. She's this little bundle of professionalism that bustles about to each task she does. I found her this blend of military and physician that could care very deeply, yet had away and procedure that didn't flinch from what had to be done. It made me believe in her instead of a doctor who would humor me. If Janet said it, I could believe it. Easier to understand than Sam, yet in many ways they were both very much alike.

What was it like to finally see him walk through that gate? Its...I don't think I remember. I finally saw the thing, saw it work, yet I have to admit, my eyes were only for the man who cheated death again and came back to me. I remember seeing it from the conference room, some stairs later, and I was standing at the base of it, with Jack tromping down the ramp, and then we were in each other's arms.

Dinner and an explanation were going to be -so- interesting this time.


	4. Chapter 4

Thor's Hammer

I didn't understand at first why Jack wanted Daniel along for our dinner and explanation ritual. It almost felt as if this should have been team time, but as the dinner gave way to Jack's place afterwards, I knew why. Daniel needed to talk, and Jack wanted me to help him do that. Jack's not good with words, he doesn't think he is, that is. He talks without words so often, I suspect he doesn't know how gabby he can be and still be a man of few words.

Daniel had to make a great sacrifice on the mission, and at the same time, he gained some hope. My heart couldn't help going out to him as he sat there talking about his wife, how the aliens, what did Jack call them, the Goa'uld, took her. I can see why Jack's been holding back, probably still would if Daniel didn't need to talk. The hope in finding a way to save her, only to have to destroy it. Jack was right, Daniel had to be the one too. If Jack did it, Daniel could blame him. Not intentionally, but the thought would be there.

So that night, I spent the last part of the night, just holding Daniel's hand. Being someone he could talk to, be weak at, and be vulnerable. I can see that he and Jack were becoming very close friends, and I couldn't help but be grateful to the man who brought my Jack back to me.

Through Daniel's eyes I heard more about Jack's first mission through the Stargate than Jack had told me. Most of which was triggered by simply asking how Daniel met his wife. Having to really school my face when I heard Sha're was offered to him as a gift. It really wasn't as hard as I think Jack thought I would take it. I found I was pretty open to other cultures growing up, made it easier to not think of everywhere Jack went overseas was some 'other' undesirable place. If we were every stationed abroad, I like to think I was ready.

About as ready I had been hearing about Abydos. It wasn't that much different than what I pictured any Middle Eastern country. Which was embarrassing to think in hindsight. Abydos wasn't any Middle Eastern country at all, if anything, it was based off of an African one. Egypt. I kept wanting to ask what Jack did there, of how he was like. From what Daniel said before, when I thought I lost Jack on Argos.

I was able to lighten Daniel's mood by trying to compare the 'marriage' on Argos to his on Abydos. I was glad it came off right. The right combination of making Jack uneasy as he wasn't quite sure how I took that, and bringing out the scholar in Daniel who wanted to lecture me with both the similarities and differences the two cultures, and marriage in general were like.

Marriage. Was that something Jack and I should seriously discuss again? Probably not, not yet. We're still feeling each other out now. Yet after Argos, Cimmeria and hearing about Abydos, it was a subject that we avoided instead of talked about. More talked around, unless I was teasing Jack about his 'wife' on Argos.

I know it wasn't fair, but he looks so cute when he gets flustered and uncomfortable sometimes. I couldn't help it.


	5. Chapter 5

The Torment of Tantalus

He almost didn't come back from the mission again. Not that Jack actually said that during our 'Dinner and Explanation' date, and we'd progress enough to call it a date. I'm picking up the little things that he doesn't say about a mission, almost as much as what he does say. Like always, its best not to say anything about it, or he'll get uncomfortable, not the kind of uncomfortable that makes takes him from manly man, to cute little schoolboy not wanting to admit to his latest prank in the principle's office.

Besides I found I was very comfortable as we cuddled tonight. Listening to his story of love reunited. It had us both thinking, about us. I know I was, and I think he was too. The subject of marriage was coming up quite allot recently. This time, it was the mortality of it. Ernest and Catherine weren't in their graves of course, but it wasn't lost on either Jack or me that they didn't have as many years as we did ahead of them.

Jack's occupation aside, time wasn't on our side either. We had more than Catherine or Ernest, but it wasn't like when we first met. When we thought we had our whole lives to live together. To grow old with one another. Considering the older couple, I found I really wanted to be like them when Jack and I are their age. I want us to be together and not have to make up for lost time. We may not be ready to remarry yet, but I think it's a 'yet', not an 'if' anymore.

I suppose, in away, I really owe Catherine almost as much as I do Daniel for saving Jack's life. No Stargate, no Daniel, no Jack. I'm happy that she found her love, just as I found I have mine.

Maybe I'll have her over for tea. Not soon, I know they have a lot of catching up to do.


	6. Chapter 6

Bloodlines

When Jack called me to the base, I didn't know what to expect. Not really. About all I knew was he wasn't hurt. For one, he wouldn't have called. If he did, it would mean he was on some heavy duty medication, or bored out of his mind. Whatever he wanted, it left me going through a succession of scenarios as I arrived at the base. Continuing as I went past the various checkpoints. I suppose I was vaguely aware of the pauses as they checked my ID, but I hadn't really noticed anything around me. That is until Jack appeared to hurry me along.

He didn't say anything, in away, I don't think he needed to. This was obviously not about him, his eyes letting me know that now wasn't the time to ask, 'why me', as much as I wanted to. The question was further quieted when somewhere along the way, his hand caught mine in his. It was familiar, it was new, it was very scary, and all so wonderful. I did have to check to see if both feet were still touching the ground.

Of all the things I may have thought he was taking me to, I can honestly say the last thing I would have expected was to meet Teal'c's family.

I suppose Jack wanted to put a friendly face to with their arrival on Earth. And from what he was able to tell me afterwards, I can see why. The NID people would be circling like sharks, and for Drey'auc and Rya'c to be uprooted from what they knew and thrust into this whole new place. He wanted to show them that some things crossed the cultures. They were something similar they could latch onto. That he and Teal'c were more alike even if they were from two different worlds. Since I met Teal'c awhile ago, I don't think it was to sell him, as much as his wife and son.

While she wasn't as tall as her husband, she carried herself with a certainty that made it seem as if she were just as tall as Teal'c actually is, who seemed actually taller with how happy he seemed to be. Not that he showed it of course. I suspect most didn't notice that the brooding sense of doom he seems to carry around himself was not as somber as usual. Jack probably spotted it, anyone of his team likely did. Though for Jack, it would be like having Charlie back, and I hope I'm not being too presumptuous in thinking me as well.

Rya'c charmed me in a heartbeat. Not just because he reminded me of Charlie, though there was a lot of that at this moment. That little Jaffa was so happy to be here with his father, it was that same look Charlie had when Jack came home from his missions. To him, it didn't matter they were in a strange, new setting. He was happy to be with his dad again. It was wonderful to see, it was hard to see.

Jack must have been thinking the same thing at that moment as his hand squeezed mine. A family, husband, wife and son. What would Charlie think of Rya'c? We might be mirror images of each other's families if he was still around. What would it have been like to see Rya'c and Charlie playing out back, while the men folk talked in the living room, Drey'auc and I in the kitchen, talking about our boys, both young and old. Our families. It was a lovely fantasy that was nice to hold onto for a heartbeat. Then that empty place where Charlie had been blotted it out. Drey'auc and I may end up talking about our men at one point, Jack and Teal'c talking in the living room discussing men stuff, but Charlie would never be out back with Rya'c now.

I remember feeling a lump in my throat about this point. Thinking this is the way it should have been. Beyond Charlie still being alive, I mean that the two of us comforting each other when those little reminders of him cropped up in life.

Again, that man made the right call, by calling me, in more ways than one this time.

His 'battle plan' was a good one of course. Again. Tensions eased from the Jaffa family in away that I doubt anyone else approaching them could do. Part of it was likely because of Jack's friendship with Teal'c. I like to think part of it was because Drey'auc could connect with me in away she couldn't with Sam or Janet.

After all, Sam, bless her heart, talks right over most people in the galaxy. I can say that now without it sounding silly. What a strange turn my life has taken. Janet likely could ease her, except she did all those medical test, and that's likely to put one off big time. In the end, it seemed that since our husbands, okay, my ex-husband and her husband, got along, then we would, and did.

It didn't feel at all odd having a small meal with them in the commissary. A bit quiet at first. Not that Teal'c would ever be confused with the title of 'Mr. Talkative'. It was his wife and son unsure what to say or do outside of what they knew of back where they came from. They were fish out of water, in a world where even the concept of water likely differed greatly than how they knew it. However, it seems since Jack and I was there with them now, then joined by Daniel and Sam, they could feel they were going to be all right.

I had been mystified with seeing them settled in Teal'c's quarters. I mean, I did see why in away. I just hoped we weren't smothering them. I could tell they needed time to take all this in. Yet, like too many times than that man deserved, and I love him for it anyway. It was another good call on Jack's part.

Not just seeing them settled in, but instead of sending for airmen to get them what they needed, we got it for them. Jack did have to bundle me off afterwards, as I was really curious after the both of us brought in extra candles for them. Extra was not even a key point, as I wanted to know why they needed candles in the first place. I'm sure Daniel knew, and Jack was just acting like he knew. I'll still ask both of them, just separately. I'd like to compare what it really is, read Daniel, to what Jack will guess at and try to make it sound as if he knows.

Whatever the reason, it further seems to ease the Jaffa family in their new home. I'd save the questions of why no extra beds until later. Again to listen to the expert and the self-proclaimed expert, alone and out of Jaffa earshot.

Drey'auc's Kel no'reem

Sharing Kel no'reem with my family is a joyous thing that makes it hard to obtain the state of Kel no'reem. Rya'c is still at the stage where he is learning it. So tonight, both Teal'c and I pretend we do not notice how long it is taking to obtain the proper frame of mind to meditate. It is so much of how it use to be, when he was First Prime. Before decided our fates in a moment, and leaving us to survive on our own.

We are in a new land, with new people. These Tau'ri a hope that I am only just now seeing that perhaps my husband's rash decision was not so rash after all. Tonight we may attempt Kel no'reem without worrying about guarding against discovery in the night. This eve Teal'c makes right what he should have long before. We will talk more of those reasons for destroying our place among our people later. I want to talk about this hope he has of freeing our people against the gods.

Together again with my husband, with such feeling roiling within me, it is very hard to enter into Kel no'reem. The sacrifice I saw on his behalf, before the Tau'ri came with their stolen symbiote, takes much out of the bitterness I felt for his perceived abandonment. The risk to our son it caused, what I had to do in order to survive. Much less the shame I had to endure in the eyes of our people. The wife of a Shol'va.

Dwelling on such thoughts not only impedes me from Kel no'reem, they are unworthy of the sacrifice Teal'c has given. Nor of the friends and allies he has won among the Tau'ri. And I would be a fool not to see he has friends. An odd, but formidable group made up of warrior, scholar and priestess. From what I heard from my husband's lips, two of them were responsible for the death of Ra, and the priestess understands Goa'uld magic, how it works. Perhaps the fight against the gods is not as hopeless as it would appear on the surface.

I imagine now he worries about Bra'tac as he chose to stay behind. I am glad he did not leave us, and from the peace I feel radiating from him, he does as well. It is a peace that I can partake of, moving me towards the right state of mind. From the many thoughts that take away from the peace of Kel no'reem.

This O'Neill who has won my husband's trust is a Tau'ri of great strength. I have only known him but a moment, but I can see what my husband saw. I see why he risked so much to turn on our former god. A man of many strange words and from what I see from the other Tau'ri, one unique among them. He is one who will stand by us. I feel that from his wife as well. She is a woman who is open and ready to accept that which is different. Perhaps because she does not know differently too, but I feel it is more likely because her husband accepts, she does. Trusting in him just as my own husband does. This is a strange world where human and Jaffa could learn to live together without fear or hate. A place I would be happy to see our son become a man in.

My trouble thoughts now addressed, it is now easy to enter the state of Kel no'reem.


	7. Chapter 7

Stargate: Wives; Interlude

When Jack said he had a surprise for me, my heart was in my throat. I thought he was going to propose. He's been acting -that- way for a while now, like he did the first time, getting up the courage. After Argos, Ernest, talking so openly about Sha'uri, meeting Teal'c's family...the subject of marriage seemed to keep being thrown up into our faces. Its not that I shy away from the subject, not intentionally. I would be lying to myself to not admit Jack and I have a few hurts it's hard to get over. I know we see ourselves as we use to be, and a bit of how we might be. Then after Catherine and Ernest reminded us we don't have forever...

I'm probably thinking too fast here. We both need to take this slow. Just not too slow. However, it turned out I was totally off base with what Jack's surprise turned out to be.

It turned out, he had a job offer. Not from him, or to work for him, we both knew that was a bad idea. This was a job offer from General Hammond. He wanted to know if I would act as a kind of liaison, read escort, babysitter, for our two stay-at-home Jaffa's. Drey'auc and I get along already, so it was only a matter of bennies, pay, what to expect out of this. The thought of having freer access to base, and hence Jack, did cross my mind, I shouldn't lie to myself of all people. Not as much as I normally do. Yet, honestly Drey'auc could use a friend, and Rya'c is adorable. Not that I'd say that to the little warrior. He wants so much to be like his dad. I suppose he really does remind me of Charlie. In a good way.

Settling Rya'c in was easier than we thought. He was use to hiding, the poor thing, already. So the secret of the Stargate, no, what was Drey'auc's word for it, Chappa'ai, that's it. Where was I, oh yes, that it was secret, that he, 'Ryan', and his mother were from Zimbabwe. All to cover the inevitable differences other children would notice about Rya'c. Like his tattoo. That was going to be tricky, particularly with the internet today. It'd only take one schoolmate digging around to find out...well, nothing at all about what the tattoo means, officially.

Rya'c is still a 'few' years from pulling off his father's intimidating manner. It only takes one of Teal'c's looks to quiet questions if they became too many. I can't imagine what PTA meetings were going to be like.

My approach with Drey'auc was less problematic as I went with something simple. I didn't want to come across as the 'Ugly American', not that Drey'auc would know what that meant, but I did and that was enough. So we would have an exchange of cultures. She'd tell me a bit about her's and I would mine. She'd teach me her language, I would mine.

I had no idea how that was going to 'invite' Daniel into my life beyond him being Jack's best friend. Yet once word, likely Jack, told him of my approach. Mr. Cultures himself was coming around my new office for the latest tidbits Drey'auc shared with me. To say nothing of the both of us practicing language lessons. I really do see the advantages of it. And it drives Jack crazy when Daniel and I talk in a language he doesn't know. Okay, so maybe it's not such a bad thing to have Daniel hovering about after all. Jack can be so fun to tease. It's nice to have some ammo for once to do so.

What neither Jack nor Daniel told me was that Jaffa women were like Klingons. Daniel wasn't as much fun to spring that on as Jack was. Waiting until our next date, to casually throw that out was well worth the price of the dinner. Whatever that was. Jack didn't know that Jaffa women are taught to fight like their men, to protect while the men are away fighting. My only concession with Daniel was that women of Abydos don't do that. He was merely surprised, while I actually got a shock look out of Jack. Not shock as in couldn't believe. It's the kind where he pauses, fork-on-the-way-to-mouth freeze. Though looking back, he was probably just doing that for me. When he's really surprised, he tries the play it off as if he knew it all the time. Oh well, I don't a fault him. It was nice to see, and nicer that he was doing it for me. All in all, it went pretty smoothly.

Unlike our first outing.

Drey'auc and I of course. Jack and I are well into the enough-dates-that-I-don't-need-to-count phase of outings together. To be fair, they really could have been muggers. Its just he crime rate around here wasn't that high, and while I'm not so naive to think, 'It can't happen to me', there was something in the way they moved. That was too much like Jack had during his special ops days. I'm not sure what they really were intending to do, but whatever briefing they had, it wasn't enough to warn them. Not about a Klingon, excuse me, Jaffa woman.

They were fortunate she didn't have that Staff-weapon-thing she and her husband know so well how to use.

I had to persuade her that killing them was -not- a good idea. Complicates matters. I had to laugh at myself, inwardly. I was sounding like Jack with the off-handed way I tried to convince her it would be more trouble than it was worth. That man really rubs off on me...and I wouldn't have it any other way. In any case, it wouldn't do to give Drey'auc the impression I was joking. Not then, not when she might just snap a neck as the punch line.

Our outing did get me into another kind of trouble, Drey'auc notice that I didn't fight all that well. Okay, not at all. I thought it would be worth points just to note I wasn't screaming my head off when they attacked. When she took them on, I was too in shock to even think about uttering a sound. It did go far into her thinking I was more like Jack, apparently keeping my head in an emergency. Yet it didn't help enough. Sure I was 'just' a human. Yet I'm Jack's wife, still hard to get the concept of divorce where she'll understand that. It doesn't help that she sees Jack and I get along so well. Anyway, I'm Jack's wife in her mind, and if anything happens to me, it hurts him. Which hurts Teal'c. I also think at this point she's grown attached to me, I know I have her.

So, she wants to help me learn to defend myself. I'm sure Jack would approve, but I am -not- looking forward to this.

Jack did say the investigation he conducted had led the likely suspects, NID. We talked about it during our 'Dinner and Explanation date' that night, was at my place. Particularly after it had been, 'swept clean' and I don't mean domestically. We could talk without worrying about loose lips and that sort of thing, and I really did want to talk. Just talk without going out, with ordering in was far more appealing for once.

He brought over candles, the wine, and most of all, himself in the right mood so we could talk. I did my part once everything was set, I collapse into his arms properly. So it was the trappings of going out, with the comforts of eating in, plus I could have a good melt down. Gotta love that man.

This did mean that dinner and an explanation was about to turn into a two way street for strangeness from this point on.

Drey'auc's Kel no'reem

Tonight I am troubled over the events of this day. Not the fight itself. While not equal to a Jaffa warrior, they were warriors that honor was maintained and my husband proud of the victory I brought to our family. It also had a good effect on our son, though I know it will fade in time as event becomes a memory.

It was disturbing to find that Sara did not know how to properly defend herself against our attackers. It's easy to forget sometimes she is not Jaffa. Still as O'Neill has often demonstrated, the Tau'ri can be very strong on their own. I would not wish to see him lose strength by losing his wife. This 'ex' part I am still not sure what that means, nor will I press for an explanation. She appeared uncomfortable when I asked.

What I am sure is her loss would diminish him. I should also admit, if only to still my mind for Kel no'reem, that I would find an empty place if something was to happen to her. Tomorrow I will broach the subject of teaching her how to fight. She did say she wished to learn of our culture, and this will be part of that cultural exchange. It will be better than asking further on what is an 'ex-wife'. I am sure it has nothing to do with the phenomena Teal'c and Rya'c refer to as 'X-men'.

Now that the matter is settled, I may enter the state of Kel no'reem.


	8. Chapter 8

Fire and Water

I couldn't believe. I knew something really bad had happened with just one look at Jack's face when he showed up on my door step. He didn't even have to say it for me to know someone close just died. I discounted family; none were in contact with him that I wouldn't know by now as well. So it had to be one of his team. No-one else would hit him so hard. In the second delay he gave in telling me who, I went through Sam, Daniel, Teal'c, hoping that Rya'c had not become fatherless, when it felt almost as bad.

It was Daniel. He was dead.

I'm still having trouble really believing, however, it just takes one look at Jack to see it's true. I can't explain why part of me doesn't believe, can't believe it's true. I've seen that expression, a shadow of what it was when Charlie died. To be fair, only a shadow because Daniel helped bring Jack back from that abyss he'd been perched over since our son died. Before the Stargate brought Jack back to life again.

Before it brought him back to me.

We had wanted to be slow about this, but that night he needed me, and I needed him. We comforted each other the way we should have when our son died. We didn't actually -do- anything, beyond just cuddle and hold one another. Lying in bed with him felt natural, whole, and yet it felt unnatural that Daniel was dead. I'd been around the two to get the idea that they were becoming, if not already, best friends. I should accept that he's dead. I don't know why I can't.

Drey'auc was a good distraction in the days to come. She wanted to know all about the Tau'ri's funeral rituals, as did Teal'c, but neither were going to 'pester' Jack or anyone else about it. That left me. Though I shouldn't complain as this does fall under my job description. So far, I haven't been able to tell if the Jaffa have surnames, so in my mind, it was Teal'c's family that gathered there while I went through on nearly automatic as I went over what they should expect for the funeral. Some of it was news to me.

I hadn't attended Major Kawalsky's funeral. It would have been the only one I would have before the other Jack and Charlie came into my life to give my Jack back to me. It would have been hard to attend that funeral. After all this time and I find I still can't seem to call him by his first name. I know it must have hit Jack hard. It's not something he talks about. He was not only the best man at our wedding, but our Charlie was named after him. I'm still hurting over the loss of mine, no, I wouldn't have been able to have attended his. Even if I had been allowed to. I am told it was pretty standard, unlike Daniel's, there was a body to send home to his family.

From what I was able to get from Jack, it wasn't Charlie's body that was sent. He wasn't happy about that, but not every battle with the NID ends with a victory.

Not that we have to fight over Daniel's body that way. I suspect it wouldn't even be a battle. Likely if it was going to be, the body might have a sudden case of disappearing without a trace. Jack wouldn't let the NID have their way with a second best friend.

I will say the funeral was good in two ways, and my mind needed to find some way for something good to come of it. A trick of the mind, I know. To this day, I still can't think of anything good that came from Charlie's death. So I guess I was compensating for Daniel's. Jack looked great in uniform, and the words about Daniel were heartfelt. This was a man who would be missed. I know I would miss Daniel.

It'll be the little things at first. His daily visits, when he wasn't off training with Jack. His insightful questions, the occasional slip of how he misses Sha're. Those apologies. Misplacing his glasses. I can't count how many times I would have to catch up to him in the hallway when he left my office.

Most of all, the banter between him and Jack. It was almost as if they had a running joke with their names. A silly joke, really. Which one noticed the word play with the Tennessee whiskey distillery, I don't know. It would sound like something Jack would start, though Daniel's love of words, it -might- have been him. My money would be on Jack though. It fits his humor.

The day of the funeral, I still expected Daniel to drop by my office. Go over what I learned about Jaffa culture and funerals. To explain to him that they go for burning the body. To laugh as we both realize yet another reason Teal'c so connects with Star Wars. Especially at the end. I could tell Daniel why Drey'auc and Rya'c also were moved by the scene with the burning of Darth Vader's body. I know I was surprised, and remember nudging Jack at that point. Silently letting him know what was going on. I can still feel his arms around me during that movie, how much he smelled of home. I wish I could go back to that night now.

The wake was the worst of it. I knew Jack could get this angry. Knew he bottled it up often, but never had I seen it come out so violently. Something had to be wrong. This just wasn't Jack at all. Not letting it out like this. Though I didn't realize how wrong this was until he talked about retirement. I know I should have jumped at the chance, particularly when he started talking about marriage again. Except, except this wasn't my Jack. Not really. At best it was grief talking, yet I knew it had to be more. He'd lost people close to him before, and the words retirement never came up except maybe out of my mouth.

So we talked, and I surprised myself in hoping he'd didn't bring up proposing to me now. I wanted it. At any other time, I would have rushed into it. Now, now it's just not Jack. It wouldn't be my husband I fell in love with again. It wouldn't even be the dead man I walked out on. It would be some stranger that wore Jack's face, like the other Jack. My Jack isn't a quitter. That's how I knew it was over the first time. That Jack had been.

Thank God for Janet. At least I heard it was Janet, and that shrink they wanted me to see at first, Dr. McKenzie, when I began this diary. Has it only been less than a year ago? Anyway, Janet called me immediately after their meeting. Under the excuse of trying to locate Drey'auc. Apparently they wanted a calming influence around Teal'c and Drey'auc is better than anything Janet could concoct.

It made a good excuse anyway.

Daniel is alive. So Jack believed, and I'd go with his beliefs over most other's facts. Maybe even Sam's. But that would be only because I don't know what Sam is talking about half as much as Jack does. Of course, -he- had been studying on the side.

Not every night he said he was with me was he with me all night. A case where the rumor mill worked in his favor. All I had to say was Jack came over on a given night, and everyone else filled in the blanks. He left his astrophysics books at my place, and there was no way anyone but Daniel or Janet would pry enough to see them. So with Janet not having been over yet, and Daniel not daring to go into my room, Jack was pretty safe with his studies to understand while not letting on he understood. Devious, isn't he?

Confirmation of Dr. Jackson's state of being alive came from Jack over the radio, cracking some joke. I don't remember what it was, just that people were laughing, groaning at it, applauding, cheering or all the above. When Daniel walked through the Stargate, the gateroom was about stuffed with personnel that found reasons to be there. If not there, the control room, or the conference room upstairs. I didn't know exactly, as I had the perk of being up at the front row with General Hammond and Janet was the four of them tromped down the ramp. Daniel looking definitely looking the worse for the wear, but alive. I lost him as Janet swept him away to the infirmary for the bed with his name on it.

Or so Jack tells me.

Me, I was in the crook of Jack's arm, Drey'auc side by side with her husband. Sam was one of those Janet swept along with her. Jack would soon follow, I know it. He only wasn't going now because of me. I kept silent about that, deciding to enjoy it while I can. He'd be off after 'Danny-boy' soon enough.

I had to wait until after Daniel was released from the infirmary, to get the full story. I wasn't one of those allowed in just yet. Nor was I going to push it. My job description didn't include SG-1, just Drey'auc and while Janet and I were growing close, now was not the time to push that.

Whatever the story was, it would be worth the wait. Dinner and an explanation was all but an excuse now. I could cry the tears Jack would want to, but never will.

Guess the wedding is off for now...for now.


	9. Chapter 9

Hathor

Here was where those morning workouts with Drey'auc made sense, other than to keep in shape, albeit for Jack, and myself. Really, it's how I rationalize going through those Jaffa-cise sessions with her. I was still 'asked' to stay in the back by the others. I don't blame them, technically 'helpless civilian' here. I suppose the only reason I wasn't asked to stay in the cell was they needed every able bodied woman, and Jaffa.

Hearing Janet talk about her ex, made me rethink a bit about Jack and I. Should we get back together. All the way together. Sure, right now, we're at the being-on-our-best-behavior part of dating, and unlike Janet and her ex, there isn't a competition going on who's the best soldier. Yet, I have to wonder if I want to go through being a military wife again. I'll know more than when Jack was off on his special ops missions. Way more than I probably want to. On the other hand, that increases the worry factor more. I know what Jack has to deal with.

I wonder how Drey'auc does it.

She and Teal'c were something to see moving together as they lead the 'op' to take back the base. They moved like a well choreographed couple. Their own special ops group. They looked as if they could take on the guys all by themselves. I certainly wouldn't begrudge them if they 'accidentally' used lethal force on that witch, Hathor. Especially once I found out what she did to Jack. It was enough to know she had my Jack under her spell to make me want to exchange dart gun for automatic.

Note, learn how to fire an automatic. Later girl. Dart now, fill her full of holes later.

Daniel was a mess. Made me wish she'd burn quite a while longer than she did. Only to find she cheated, or the guys say so. The Stargate went on, and no-one on base turned it on. Well, now I have plenty of reasons to learn to fire an automatic. Just finding someone to teach me, I know better than to ask Jack.

Hathor has a date with several bazillion bullets with her name on it.

Drey'auc's Kel no'reem

It disturbs me the Goa'uld escaped. She did much damage to the Tau'ri before she left, and not all of it was to their stronghold. I am worried about Dr. Jackson as Teal'c is. He is taking this the hardest, and it is not hard to guess why. Being used by the Goa'uld, he feels shame, betrayal to his wife, it is my hope someone helps him through this. I am sure O'Neill will help as soon as he deals with his own anger, the fire the burns within that helps him fight alongside my husband. It was good to do so this time, and I hope it is not the last. There has always been talk that women should be allowed to go out and fight with their men. We know how, and not all of us need remain to protect our homes.

Perhaps as we seek freedom from the false gods, other freedoms may be explored.

Feeling the beginning of a smile tipping the corners of my mouth, I eased my mind to enter the state of Kel no'reem.


	10. Chapter 10

Singularity

If I hadn't hated the Goa'uld for Daniel's wife, or Hathor, then I would for what happened to poor Cassandra. No older than Rya'c, and she didn't even have her parents, or her whole people, to hear Janet talk about. Everything she knew, just gone. Like that. No wonder she wouldn't talk to anyone. Here whole world ended, and she must feel so alone now. Until Sam. I'm still reeling about that.

I have to admit, I was surprise that Sam was the one to have bonded with her first. I think it was a case of being at the right place and right time, or maybe Cassie imprinted on her. I do like Sam, I just never thought of her as being able to speak any other language except tech-ese. I should change that. Need to make sure we go out, do something outside of work. She's on Jack's team after all, I should see her beyond the mountain, or one of Jack's barbecues.

Its funny, I know Teal'c and Daniel better than I know Sam. Yep, definitely need to change that. Now, shall I have Drey'auc and I gang up on her, or leave it for a Tau'ri to Tau'ri outing. Earthwoman to earthwoman. For that matter, maybe I could drag Janet out from infirmary. Every since the time in the cell together, I've been meaning to get to know her more. Ha, sounds like we did prison time together. Guess it's another good thing no-body else is going to ever read this.

When the little dear would let herself be separated from Sam, I took a turn staying with her, rather Drey'auc, Janet and I took turns. We had to be careful not to smother her with too much attention, easy to do, all of us care about her. I think it was Janet, who had the idea for Rya'c to be pulled out of classes to meet with her. Give her someone her own age to relate to, though it was obvious she took a shine to Sam.

Janet seemed to be particularly taken by Cassandra too. Not that all of us didn't feel for her, just that second to Sam, there felt like another bond was forming between those two. Which turned out to be a good thing. I had more experienced with motherhood, but I wasn't sure I would be ready for it to take care of Cassandra. Drey'auc would likely not be a good choice either, though she was good at easing the girl's fear of Jaffa.

After Daniel's wife, after Hathor, I didn't think I could hate the Goa'uld more. Finding out Cassandra was made into a bomb put a test to that. They took a child, a child, wiped out the rest of her people, just to make her into a walking, talking, sweet as you can imagine, bomb. I'm glad Sam went back for her. Jack wasn't happy about that, though Drey'auc says Teal'c understood. Even if Cassie had...well, had left us, she shouldn't have to go alone. I think anyone of us would have done what Sam did. Well, Janet, Drey'auc or I that is.

I don't think anyone was surprised in the least that Janet volunteered to look after her, with an eye towards adoption. It's still a bit too soon since Charlie for me, and we don't know how she'd react to Drey'auc looking after her. She and Rya'c hit it off, reminding her about the secret. With her it's a bit easer than ' Ryan,' in school. No name change, no tattoo to explain, her differences attributed to her being from Toronto. Ha! Look that up on the internet kids, won't explain her either.

I did laugh when Jack suggested the puppy, and later barely kept it to a giggle when he presented the pup to Cassie, with his 'It's an Earth rule. Every kid has to have one.' He got an odd look from Teal'c and Drey'auc, as Rya'c looked at them expectantly. I let Jack know in no uncertain terms, he was the one explaining this to family Jaffa.

Sure this was technically in my job description, but he started this, he was the one who was going to see it to the end.

Drey'auc's Kel no'reem

O'Neill's explanation was unsatisfying, though ultimately it was up to Teal'c to turn down the offer. A warrior cannot afford such attachments made a good fable. One day Rya'c will be old enough to see through that, and then another tactic will have to be used to address the nature of pets and puppies.

I was not as shocked as the Tau'ri were to learn how ruthless the false gods were. My husband had spoken of Nirrti before and she holds few rules to follow. The human girl is stronger than she appears to survive the loss of her people as she shows. I am glad she and my son get along, to help her along the road to come to terms with her loss. It is good that Dr. Frasier will look after her, as will I and Sara. I ponder when I stopped thinking of her as Sara O'Neill as my mind finally achieves the state of Kel no'reem.


	11. Chapter 11

Cor-ai

Here is where the job went from interesting to intense, to ready-to-quit, back to couldn't think of doing anything else. I mean, I knew I couldn't. In that same way that Jack never gives up. Nor did he here, bless him. He wouldn't be the man I fell in love with, much less married, and consider doing so again, if he did.

When word came back that Teal'c was essentially under arrest for war crimes, it was my job to calm the tigress Drey'auc who wanted to go out and rescue her husband. I have to admit to myself, I envy her. There are times I want to go out and 'rescue' Jack. Yet I know the reality. Right now, I barely hit the target on the firing range, and I'm positive Drey'auc is going easy on me during our Jaffa-cise sessions. Yep, I know it's a fantasy to think about going out to 'save' Jack, not reality.

Drey'auc on the other hand, -could- rescue her husband if he was in trouble.

Except this time, General Hammond was saying no, and left me to say it for him. Points on his side, he did offer to do so himself, points against, he didn't authorize Jack's plan to go out there and kick native tail to get Teal'c back. I know the orders came from 'on high', so I shouldn't resent it, or him. I don't really, you don't marry into the military and not realize many times your spouse is not going to have any options when it came to orders from 'on high.'

To my surprise, Drey'auc understood that too. She didn't like it, all the Jaffa stoicism didn't hide that, and she shocked me to silence by using only my first name for once. Not that I mind being called 'Sara O'Neill' by her, however inaccurate, having long since given up trying to explain what the 'ex' meant, much less correct her. I don't think divorce is a concept with the Jaffa. Maybe it's because life expectancy of one's spouse, typically the husband is not always high, maybe they're more Klingon than I've been told, and they fight it out...literally. That would be taking 'until death do us part' a bit far I think.

I should ask Daniel about that, though likely he'll turn that around and ask me to ask. Yes, it would be the coward's way out. I'm just not entirely sure I really want to know the truth.

When a kick tail option was nixed, Drey'auc asked me to ask the General if she could go stand by her husband. To my surprise, he said yes. Daniel thought it was a good idea apparently, to show the 'human' side of the man they were convicting. Jack was thinking in terms of fighting prowess. He'd never seen her move like I have, but he did have his Jack O'Neill sense about him, and knew she could handle herself in a fight.

I'm sure it helped that he read the report of her putting two NID guys in the hospital.

So I stood there, saying my goodbyes and watched her go through the Stargate with Jack, as they went back to defend Teal'c.

Should have sent Perry Mason through, he never lost a case.

Not that Daniel did this one. Everyone came back, much to my relief. I didn't exactly run to hug Drey'auc, but I don't think she got all the way down the ramp before I do so. Okay, more points to the General for even letting me be in the gateroom in the first place when they came back. I have to keep reminding myself I am the oddity here. Not every spouse gets to know, much less work with their husband in this program. Most just see their husbands or wives go off 'to work' in the mountain, not really knowing what they actually did.

I'm sure it was causing some grief for me to be there sometimes to greet Jack, or see him off. That's likely why General Hammond let me have the privilege sparingly.

I had thought it was bad enough with Jack offworld. I sort of accepted the rest of SG-1 going with him, what had been harder this time was watching Drey'auc go through the gate. It was right then; I realized that Jack wasn't the only one with a close friend who just happened to be a Jaffa.

Drey'auc's Kel no'reem

It was hard to obey General Hammond when my husband was on trail for doing what Apophis ordered him to do. I remember that time. The hurt, the choice, the necessity of it all. It wasn't the first time he would chose to do the right thing, and yet appear to obey our Goa'uld master, nor was that going to be the last time. This was good for him, though hard on me. It would have been harder to have told our son of his father's loss, much less that I had not pulled him out from the Teal'c school. It was difficult enough when he found out about all of this after we returned. I am finding it hard to achieve Kel no'reem with his radiating disapproval, but a word from Teal'c settles him and soon, my mind is free to head towards that perfect state of balance.

Save for Sara's intrusion. It is not that Jaffa are unemotional, indeed, in some ways I think we are more so than the Tau'ri, yet to find her hurtling herself at me upon my return stirs feelings, a bond I had not expected to feel with her. At first I believe us comrades because our husbands are, a bond not between warriors, but the wives of such. Now, I confess I think there is bond apart from that of our husbands, and with that confession, I finally achieve the state of mind for Kel no'reem.


	12. Chapter 12

Enigma

Maybourne. That was a name that came up during Jack's unofficial look into our mugging earlier this year. I didn't think my job was to talk to the Tollans, ambassador at large I am not. I leave that to Daniel. I did agree that may it was time for the alien clan to get out of dodge for awhile. Drey'auc didn't like that, but convincing her that we were looking after Janet and Cassie worked a long way for her to agree to go off base. Janet had needed the time off. Treating SG-1, okay, all the SG teams what seemed like non-stop, was pushing the boundaries of combat medicine, and even I recalled that combat fatigue sets if one is at it too long.

General Hammond was going to send Janet off regardless of the Tollan 'invasion', and she was biting at the bit to get back to treat the latest cases in -her- infirmary. Jack backed my idea of getting Drey'auc and Rya'c away, with Maybourne en route, adding in the destination we should go. Should have known. I just think he just liked the idea of me back in cabin. Okay, maybe I'm reading too much into that one.

Maybe.

Janet had been packing for a camping trip anyway. Cassie was use to the 'great outdoors' and I think her original trip was intended on being a good mother-daughter bonding time. I hated to intrude on that, however, she wasn't going to have her mind on it with the Tollans back at base, and I really needed the extra help to get Drey'auc and Rya'c to go away. Running away was not an option, but going away was a battle I could win at with them. Protecting Cassie sealed the deal, and off we were to Jack's cabin.

Yes, I know he and the General likely had that place swept top to bottom, and only didn't have guards in place because that would send up a flare to Maybourne that would do exactly what we didn't want. For the NID to take interest.

Not that it worked out that way.

I wasn't a bad shot by now. Not up to certain Indian Jones like archeologist, but I wouldn't be totally useless if it came to it. Which I hope it never will. A hope Jack shared, silently I could see. That was a step Jack never wanted me to take. Drey'auc was -almost- satisfied with how our Jaffa-cise sessions were going, and I did keep my head during the Hag-thor 'visit'. So I would have been slightly more useful than Cassie if trouble came around. Slightly...I'd like to think more so than Rya'c. We all have our delusions thank you very much.

Visiting the cabin was in a different context now than when I was last here with Jack. For one, I had quite a bit of explaining to do. Its not that any of our resident aliens, you know, I never thought I would be even thinking that, much less being in this situation a year, two, a lifetime ago. Anyway, not that any of them were strangers to hardship. Cassie's village was not exactly high tech from what Jack described it, and Drey'auc and her son had been on the run once Teal'c defected.

Still, it was left to the Tau'ri woman to explain how things worked and Janet was still preoccupied with what was happening back in -her- infirmary. Yep, she needed this time off.

When something did go south, it was all I could do to hang onto Rya'c who wanted to be 'the man' his father was, and go out and help his mother fight the NID jerks who did come after us. Whether she was just that good, or they had no better briefing than the 'muggers', several staff blast later, we didn't have a problem.

Well, -we- didn't, the Air Force did with cover up stories. Not all of her shots went into men. Not that I saw. I was in no rush to see a battlefield, and Cassie was curled up into a ball as is. About all that kept me from joining her was that someone on the inside had to hold it together, and if I lost it, Rya'c would be out the door.

Men.

Young or old, they have to rush into things.

Yes, I know Janet was there, keeping a far cooler head, but I do have my delusions. It helped to think of the kids than myself with the fighting going on outside. It also helped that Janet left me with the kids afterwards. Not leave the 'women and children' alone, Janet doesn't think that way. It was the trust she had to do so without a word while she goes out to see if who was hurt where. Drey'auc's appearance at the door announced she was just fine in the aftermath.

I think this helped to ease Cassie into bonding with Drey'auc. She now sees a protector instead of once-oppressor. I'm also glad Drey'auc humored her son by naming him our protector while she escorted Janet to check out the people she just killed, well, excuse me, fought. Confirmed kills, as Jack would say, wasn't until after Janet came back.

Some ways, she looked more relieved. Not at the deaths, but in doing her doctoring thing. She -really- needs a proper vacation when this is over.

I wasn't -exactly- angry with General Hammond afterwards. Sure he didn't know we were bait for 'rogue' NID men. But he should have been given a need to know. So my anger is misplaced, as I don't have a face other than his to blame. Good thing all the fuming was internal, he had enough on his hands with the Tollan 'escape' from how Jack tells it.

So Maybourne losses both ways. I can only hope this result in a major demotion.

A girl can hope, can't she?

Drey'auc's Kel no'reem

The trust the Tau'ri have placed with me was gratifying. To go out and make sure Dr. Frasier, her daughter and Sara were safe as we visited O'Neill's stronghold offset the fact we were being sent away. Something I had to keep assuring my son that it was not the case. It did help that Teal'c talked with him, using a tactic I would later use with entrusting our care in his hands. He will be a good warrior one day, but not that day.

Grateful I was with Sara holding onto him. Our enemies would not get by me, but I did not want my son to either. Fighting on more than one front is a foolish at the best of times.

The trip to O'Neill's stronghold showed parts of the world of the Tau'ri that I found wondrous. Parts of it much like Chulak. I was glad to share such sights with my son and Sara. It seems to bring to life Cassandra Frasier as well. That is until the attack. At first I thought she would retreat to that place in her mind where she had to hide from the horrors of her past. Yet, when I entered into O'Neill's stronghold in obvious victory, the way she looked at me changed. I feel she wants me around now, instead of just accepting me as a fact of her new life. That won me a victory beyond what the foes without provided.

Dr. Frasier is efficient, even if she hoped that some may live after the fight. She knows the value of cautious approach, and the urgency to save a life. We may disagree on when to do so, but that is strength among the Tau'ri, one I respect, if I do not always understand.

I understand soldiers are not along the perimeter of the stronghold. I would like to think to protect against other enemies coming than us within their well hidden circle. It is with that small deception to my own mind that I can finally slip into a proper state of Kel no'reem.


	13. Chapter 13

Solitudes

Jack is gone. No one knows where and as the hours march by, it feels as if they're going to write him off...again. How could they? They have to know he'll come back. I have to. I can't think of him not coming back. He's out there, somewhere. We just have to find him, or wait until he finds his way back to us, back to me.

This time it was Drey'auc who lent me strength. She, Janet and Cassie that is. At first I had the distraction of trying to be strong for her. This is the worst I had every seen Teal'c. He never seems to need bed rest, or a doctor's care. So standing with Drey'auc and Rya'c helped keep the thoughts of how bad it was with him. I really needed to keep those thoughts away, after seeing how bad Daniel was hurt.

Teal'c recovered quickly of course. Which made me again face with fact of how alien my new friends were. Daniel was going to be out for a while now, and here Janet was, grudgingly, ready to let Teal'c out of bed.

I know why he recovers so fast. It's not just in the reports, Jack does mention 'Junior' from time to time. How much it creeps him out. I suppose that's why I never asked Drey'auc to show me her...what did she call it, Prim'ta? Like Teal'c did with Jack and the others. Nor do I think I'll -ever- ask. I just appreciated her for the woman, the friend she is.

My friend. Helping me wait, that's it, wait for Jack to be found. Teal'c wasn't going to give up, I knew that, Drey'auc knew that. Daniel had his own brand of never giving up that kept him working late into the sleepless night, because no one but the kids were going to sleep. Even then, I think Cassie only closed her eyes for our sake. She was really worried about Sam as I was about Jack.

I think that's how her head ended up on my lap. We weren't going to sleep. Close our eyes, sure. Neither of us were Jaffa, sleep wasn't an option. Well, pretend like it was an option and neither of us were coffee addicts like Daniel. That was not an option Janet was going to allow her daughter. So there we were in some nameless lounge, waiting for some word, any word, or news of Jack and Sam. When Teal'c reappeared with the news.

Daniel saved Jack yet again.

I was glad to be at a bedside, odd as this is sounding as I write this. The alternative would be a funeral like Daniel's earlier this year. I don't think Cassie or I would have been able to make it through something like that. Janet let us stay at first, as long as we wanted. Cassie didn't get away with that for long, and she was ushered off, Janet only coming for me, early in the morning.

I suppose you could say I was on a kind of holiday. Drey'auc was off with Teal'c and son, so technically, I know, I keep using that word a lot this year, I wasn't needed at my job. I guess the Air Force would list this as 'detached duty' or something. It was a duty I wouldn't mind resuming officially, caring for Jack. Looking after him in the many ways he couldn't do so well on his own.

Being there for him, on the cold, long nights.

Drey'auc's Kel no'reem

Again, O'Neill survives when others would not have. Samantha Carter shows her courage in the face of what it sounded like, a hopeless situation with the Chappa'ai apparently not working. While Dr. Jackson demonstrates a scholar can win a battle as easily as any warrior. My husband was right to trust in the Tau'ri. It is times like these that show how truly strong they really are, and how much I should not underestimate them.

I was very glad Dr. Jackson returned Sara's husband to her and to us. O'Neill is so central to many of us, not just my friend and husband. We will truly be less without him.


	14. Chapter 14

Author's note: The notion of Sara's and Drey'auc's in Tin Man came from the LE McMurray's story "The Power Of A Kiss".

Tin Man

I never met the other Jack. Which I'm both grateful for and regret. One duplicate Jack was enough for a lifetime. Though I guess I should be grateful for the duplicates. The first one brought my Jack along in his wake, and put us back together again. One thing about a duplicate, it let me see Jack in away I wanted to, but the real one would never let me. Well, before the Stargate that is. I have to wonder what this second duplicate of Jack would have shown me, if anything. From what everyone else who met him said, they couldn't tell the difference.

Except the white 'blood' part. Hard to confuse the two that way.

I wonder about that other Jack. So much like mine. Enough to believe himself as mine. That Jack must be so lonely out there. His life gone and I'd like to say me as well. He didn't duplicate the Jack who wanted to be alone, who pushed everyone away. This one was healing. This one wanted me to help him heal. While grateful that I got my Jack back, my heart goes out to that other one.

Some wild part of me wants to go out there, have them make a copy of me for him. If he really is such a complete one, he'd want that. Though it turned out the idea was not as wild as I imagined, well, not so singularly wild idea. I could see it in her eyes. That the same idea occurred to Drey'auc, while we heard our husbands go on about it in the infirmary as Janet saw to them.

Before we knew it, we were approaching General Hammond about it. Which turned out before debriefing. We probably intended to do so afterwards, but we knew time was running out. We didn't know how soon they would seal up the gate on the other side. It was likely too late as it was. So without a word we both agreed that then was the time to go to the General, not later. We had to have surprised the others with our sudden departure. Janet wasn't going to let them come after us either. Not until she was finished with them.

Have to do something nice for her real soon.

Our husbands, okay, the guys, Jack hasn't asked yet, but we're pretty much back together for good. Our men thought we were crazy to ask, much less let us do this. I'm not sure how long Jack lectured on the dangers of going, of making sure I really wanted this. To his credit, it only took mentioning if it were him, wouldn't he want this? I think it was then I realized we really were back together for good. I have to admit, for my first time offworld, I sure picked the weirdest reason to do so. But one thing I realized at Jack's bedside after his Antarctica jaunt, is that he needs me, and I him. So that Jack would need me too.

I don't know why General Hammond agreed, or why they hadn't buried their Stargate yet, as Jack told himself, they expected a bomb through the gate. I like to think that maybe that Jack had been hoping I'd come.

It was the strangest sensation I ever had stepping through the 'event horizon' as Sam called it. My Jack insisted on going first, and practically told SG-3 to come with him. The big lug really cares to actually -ask- for help from marines. With Sam on one side of me, Drey'auc on the other, in I went, and out on another world.

Another world!

I was actually off the planet of my birth. The universe just got bigger as the thought kept hitting me. Despite going from one underground facility to another. I didn't have two moons like Jack did on his first trip, but it was strange enough on the other side that I was convinced enough that we were no longer on Earth, Houston. Wait, how would Jack say it, no longer in Kansas, Dorothy.

Then I saw him, the other Jack and knew I made the right decision.

Romantics like to talk about being together forever, and our marriage certainly put that to the test. One we failed at first, but I think we'll have a second chance at. Now that I am looking at myself, Drey'auc at herself, I can only imagine how true the romances will have it. This Jack and Sara will be together forever.

Thousands of years to love. Thousands of years with Jack. Yes, this was worth it.

Drey'auc's Kel no'reem

It wasn't necessary anymore. Technically we didn't have a Prim'ta any longer. However, it was a way of life for both of us, and though we do not have a son to join us in Kel no'reem, it is good to do so. Knowing we will continue to do so for thousands of years. It seems not only the false gods are the ones to find away to live millennia. My husband and I shall also do so. Together until the time the gods will fall.

Drey'auc's Kel no'reem

I knew I made the right choice. I only wonder now if I should have brought our son along. One look at him, confirms I should not have even considered it. It is good for a mother to always have her child, but to trap my son in the body of a boy for ever would not be fair to him. Or to the other us who would be his parents. To watch Rya'c become a man is a joy I would not trade to even keep him as my little boy. It is his dream to be a warrior, like his father. I could not name myself his mother, claim that I love him, and deny him his dream.

They understand. I am sure of it. They will miss Rya'c, but they would not wish him to be their boy forever either. He will, though be the focus of love by two sets of parents, and perhaps if we fall, he will have them to help him along his road in life. Parents who will live for thousands of years. It seems not only the false gods are the ones to find away to live millennia. In one form, my husband and I shall also do so. Together until the time the gods will fall.


	15. Chapter 15

There But For the Grace of God-Politics-Within the Serpent's Grasp (Part 1)...End of Season one

Daniel's gone. I should say again. I swear that young man is going to give Jack grey hairs before all this is over. Me, I plan on stocking up on lots of hair dye. I may not be as worried as Jack is, but unlike him, I have time to sit and worry while Jack gets to go back with SG-1, 2 and two members of SG-4. I have to admit, I do feel better that General Hammond sent the rest on. Not that Jack, Sam and Teal'c wouldn't be enough. It puts more eyes out looking for our wayward archeologist.

It didn't calm me to know that they went back with a Geiger counter and radiation badges. Janet is just looking out for our people, but there are times I wish she was less open about telling me about her precautions. No, that's not true. I would want to know. I wouldn't want to know that it was a possibility and nothing was done. I do want Daniel back, and I also want Jack and the others to come back home too without looking as if they should glow in the dark.

Sweet relief, Daniel was found. I wasn't in the gateroom when he was brought back, but news travels fast in the mountain. Sure it's virtually all top secret, but its all -contained- top secret gossip. When it's about one Dr. Daniel Jackson, its news nearly everyone wants to hear. I swear, if that young man finally did leave the SGC, the mountain would seem quiet as a tomb.

Sure Jack has his 'fan club', both follow-into-hell kind, and the others who would lock the door behind him. Not that I might wish -them- to experience 'joys' of spontaneous combustion. Okay, maybe I might wish it. Just a little bit. Anyway, Sam has her admirers, both secret and tragically overt. Our resident Jaffa's are a passing curiosity. Yet when it comes to the one person of whom nearly everyone likes, its Doctor Daniel, I have no idea if he has a middle name, Jackson. Make a note to self, Self, ask Daniel what his middle name is, if any. It's nice to make light of things now that 'Danny-boy', as Jack likes to call him, is back.

I have to wonder who Jack thought he was fooling with the vigil schedule he set up over Daniel. Certainly not me, possibly Sam or Teal'c. No one called him on it. Yet it really had to occur to one of them that with the painkillers Janet gave Daniel, he'd unlikely wake up until morning. Right when Jack and I would be there to hopefully get a clearer picture of what happened to him out there.

Which turned out to be a more confusing picture. First Daniel asked the strangest questions. I think Janet mentioned the one he threw at Jack. Asking if he was still a colonel. If Catherine was around, or if Sam had joined the Air Force. He gave me the oddest look. One that I promised myself that later I was going to find out what he meant by it. Then was not the time. Daniel was back, going to get better, and hopefully all would be well from there.

Boy was I wrong on that account.

If it was up to Jack, Daniel would have stayed under Janet's care until after the big muckymucks from the Pentagon were gone. Not that Daniel would hide from anyone. A man brave enough to stake his career on about unaccepted theories in his field, wasn't going to back down from a confrontation with anyone calling themselves a politician. I think what surprised me more is that Jack was asked to speak to one.

Don't get me wrong. I love Jack. I think he could charm the feathers off a passing bird. However, no military officer I know that's ever served with him would call Jack, politic. Though Jack was in special ops. That would be a good reason to have him attend. If it was suppose to be a political assassination. I know afterwards one politician who seemed deserving of one. Which I might have thought was unfair of me to even think, until Jack talked to me. Talked at me I suppose, and he needed to. I could swear sometimes steam was blowing out his ears as he paced like a caged tiger in front of me. Yep, he needed some rant time.

Jack had allot to say about Samuels afterwards. Apparently Lt. Colonel Samuels didn't like it that he was cut out of the Stargate program and so decided to cut it out. All out of spite. I didn't meet with him, he was gone by the time I became involved here, and wasn't remarkable enough for Jack to mention before now. However, if I thought Jack had less than favorable things to say about Samuels, he was positively gabby about one Senator Robert Kinsey. It really was a case where Jack paced, I listened. The rant filled in more than some question-answer sessions we'd had over the years of knowing each other.

His rant left me fuming. Not only at the decision to close the Stargate, but how it was happening. I wasn't there, but from what I'm heard from Jack, and what Drey'auc said Teal'c said, it sounded like Kinsey had made up his mind and the meeting was merely a formality. Something he had to do in order to look good to his party. What supporters he could boast about this to.

It's not like I would have voted for his party anyway. In fact, they've just guaranteed a life time of voting for someone, anyone else, but the party that chose to have Kinsey a member.

What frosted me the most was they wouldn't even let Drey'auc's family go! She, Rya'c and Teal'c were effectively stuck on Earth. Admittedly, I was not in any rush to see her, Rya'c or Teal'c go, but I didn't want her a prisoner here. My friends who had given up everything to come here and make a new life. With the hope of freeing their own people. Listen to me, I sound so dramatic. Such an activist all of a sudden. That's me, 'Sara the alien activist'. So much has changed since Jack came back into my life.

To think, I used to picture the Earth as a very big place. Plenty of room. Yet after the visit to Harlan's world, I now feel almost claustrophobic with the thought that no-one will leave it again. Of course if Daniel is right, there won't be anyone alive to care. Okay, now -that- was a melodramatic sentence to write.

I should have known Jack wasn't going to leave this to chance. I didn't need to know what the man was up to, only knew he was up to something. Nor was I going to ask, which I think he appreciated. He couldn't say, and it wouldn't be smart to say more than what he suggested. He had a 'cunning plan' that has me hoping it goes better than Blackadder's. Which is unfair of me to say, it's not like Jack's plans are any crazier than those on that TV show...then again, maybe they are. Honestly though, this was simple enough, and we either had a collaborator, or someone else just knew Jack very well.

It was kinda suspicious that General Hammond didn't have the gate guarded or something. It was almost too easy the way they got away. Like leaving the keys in the car, and walking away. Still, I know he's not going to say a thing if he did.

I suppose the only consolation is that Drey'auc stayed behind, and not by real choice either. Not total choice. I don't know if Jaffa wives give their husbands an earful, but if they do, I know she's going to have a talking to with Teal'c for not letting her come. Jack was right that I should be the one to explain it. If both of them had been lounging around the gateroom, it would take more than a blind eye from General Hammond to keep others from guessing they'd make a go for it.

So here we were a distraction...again. Okay, admittedly, we were more bait for the NID guys than a distraction back at Jack's cabin, but it's about the same. Going through the motions of getting the Jaffa family settled in, by house hunting of all things. Though I probably shouldn't have used those words with Drey'auc. She can be as literal as Teal'c. ..and I'm not sure it's not on purpose. Anyway, their eyes were on us, and not a certain quartet hoping they were wrong, but not betting the planet on that hope.

Now we wait. Not knowing if Daniel was right, or if they're all right. If Daniel was wrong, it's not like they can come home again. If he's right, I wonder if there is going to be a home for them to come back to.

Odd what one thinks about at the end. The Stargate brought Jack back to me, and now it could be taking him away.

At least somewhere out there, he's still around. He's a survivor. With Daniel, Teal'c and Sam to watch out for him, he'll be all right. Failing that, we'll live on in a sense, with Harlan. Not the most comforting thought, but about the best I can do waiting for the end.

Drey'auc's Kel no'reem

My thoughts are more disturbed than other times tonight. I consider what had gone on these last days, and only have to wonder if these have been our last days. I was disquieted with Dr. Jackson's disappearance like my husband has been. Neither of us spoke further of why the gods had placed the sign of Korosh-ni. It was alarming to find it there in the first place. It deepened our concern for Dr. Jackson as the sign gives no reason why, it just commands one to return and go no farther upon the spot it was found. A fact Sara also was alarmed by. Perhaps in the future, I should not share so openly with her. Teal'c has mastered the art of saying as little as possible. It is an art I find lacking, yet useful at times like that.

Upon talking later, his observations further made it very hard to obtain the right state of Kel no'reem that night. Finding Dr. Jackson went far to the right frame of mind. It helped offset the comparison of the place Teal'c found the symbol of Korosh-ni to this stronghold that I found disturbing. The similarities were easy to make as Teal'c shared. The place was underground, with tunnels like the Tau'ri's fortress. They collected objects as Dr. Jackson studies. It would survive, just as this place would, should the gods come to destroy its world. Which is what Daniel Jackson may have been trying to warn us about.

Their fate could easily be ours. It might well be our fate if Daniel Jackson's visions are true. The fact of his being attacked with a staff weapon would be evidence in favor to that end. Yet, the Tau'ri are less than ready to accept that as enough evidence. One would think, after all the things they have seen in this year that such claims as Daniel Jackson has made could no less be fantastic as what else they have seen. However, they doubt, and that is alarming as my husband's observations. The gods may well be on their way here to do what they had done at the place of Daniel Jackson's 'vanishing act' as Sara might say. Still, Teal'c is calm, so I will be calm, if only for our son and to be in tune for Kel no'reem that night.

I found it more difficult tonight. It appears the Tau'ri are not immune to having those of them capable of folly that rivals the gods. This Sen-a-tor Kinsey is foolish to disregard my husband's warnings. If not one of his own people, the respected Daniel Jackson, to say nothing of the great warrior, Jack O'Neill. Sara tells me its politics, of which I am well aware of the dangers of such. Teal'c's mother died of politics, of Arkad feeling he had to demonstrate he has power, when he has none. This Kinsey sounds as if he wants to bury the Chappa'ai to prove he can. Not because one should.

Now my husband and his companions are off to try to stop the disaster of Daniel Jackson's vision. Sara and I are to distract those who side with Kinsey, hunting for a home as if we intend to stay. It was briefly amusing to let Sara think I believed she was literal about house hunting. Teal'c has showed me it was sometimes better to appear to deliberately misunderstand. Humor can be its own weapon a warrior could wield. One O'Neill is well versed in using to great effect.

So we wait. In the manner of Jaffa women of ages since the first of their men went off to battle. We hope they come home, that they are successful. Today instead of going out to fight for the gods, my Teal'c goes out to fight against them. And I am amazed that with O'Neill, Samantha Carter and Daniel Jackson, it has sparked a small flicker of hope on the candle within my heart. That they may actually succeed and save this world as they have my family.


End file.
